


satisfaction brought it back

by Dresupi



Series: Fool Me Once; Fool Me Twice (April Fool's Crack Smut) [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Awkward Flirting, Awkwardness, Cat with no boundaries, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Darcyland April Fool's Smut Challenge, F/M, Hand Jobs, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Second-Hand Embarrassment, Smut, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-10-14 10:46:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10534884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dresupi/pseuds/Dresupi
Summary: Exactly whatisthe best way to approach your hot roommate about joining your relationship?It's probably not like this, but it all works out anyway.Bonus:  There's a cat who opens doors!For the Darcyland April Fool's Smut Challenge: Day 3: Sex while a pet is in the room





	

**Author's Note:**

> Read about the Smut Challenge [here](http://dresupi.tumblr.com/post/157863665183/hey-guys-have-you-ever-wanted-a-reason-to)
> 
> Special thanks to leftennant for beta reading this for me! <3

 

Pietro’s lips pressed against her throat and Darcy let out a soft moan.  He let his fingers drag over her nipples, teasing them stiff.  She arched up into his touch, her hands gripped handfuls of the comforter at the precise moment that the door creaked open.  

Darcy heard him huff out a frustrated sigh as her hands released the blanket.  Pushing up on his palms, he turned towards the source of the sound. “I am never getting laid again, am I?” he grumbled, crawling backwards towards the bottom of the bed before standing up. He adjusted himself in his boxer briefs and flipped on the light. 

Groaning, Darcy pulled a pillow over her face.  

“Bandit?  You little fucker…” Pietro dropped to his knees on the floor, reaching for the cat as it slipped beneath their bed.  He scooped it up into his arms.  “This cat is amazing at cockblocking…”  

She snorted in laughter.  “Maybe you should just  _ lock _ the door?” she teased, knowing full well why neither of them wanted to lock the door, and therefore got interrupted constantly by Bandit, their roommate’s cat who had conveniently taught himself to open doors.    

“Maybe Steve should not have a cat that brings new meaning to the phrase ‘Peeping Tom’, eh?  Here…” He held out the orange-fur-disaster towards her, dropping him unceremoniously on the bed before he started looking for some pants.  

“Oh,  _  you’re  _ going to take him to Steve, are ya?”  

“Yes,” Pietro answered. 

“Are you going to actually  _ ask _ him this time, or just stare at him awkwardly and wander off again?”  

He chuckled dryly. “Be my guest,  _ princeza _ ,” Pietro waved his arm to the side.  “Take Steve his peeping cat and ask him to come join us in our bed.  See how well the conversation opens up for you.”

Darcy snickered and got up, reaching for Pietro’s shirt and tugging it over her head.  It came down just past her ass, so there was a small flash of panties every time she took a step.  She plucked the cat from the bed and crossed the floor.  “I will.  Because the worst thing he can say is no.”  

“I beg to differ.  The worst thing he can say is no, and then move out.”  

“Not true.  Technically, the worst thing he can say is no, and then  _ stay _ ,” she said pointedly.  “Admit it, that would be all kinds of awkward.”    

Pietro folded his arms and shifted his weight back onto his other hip.  “You are really asking him?”  

“Sure,” she said uncertainly.  “I’ll ask him.”  

“You think he’s into it?” he asked, repeating the question he’d asked her repeatedly for the past few months.  

“He stares at your ass; he stares at my boobs.  I think he’d be into it, I just  _ don’t _ think he knows how to ask.”

“He stares at your boobs because you never wear a bra and you keep the thermostat down in the upper sixties…”  

She grinned.  “Are you complaining?  I thought you loved it!”  

“Never said I didn’t... it makes my job easier…”  He reached for her, sliding his hand over the side of her breast.  Bandit meowed in her arms.   

She shifted the cat.  “Pietro!  Not in front of the kid.”  She proceeded to cover Bandit’s eyes.    

He dropped his hand away.  “That cat has seen more of me than you have. And in a variety of positions, mind you.”  

“Dude.  What  _ you  _ do in the bathroom is  _ your  _ business…”  Darcy teased, stroking the cat’s head.  “I’m not doing the do in front of any spectators of the feline variety.”  

Pietro narrowed his eyes at Bandit briefly before continuing. “And regardless of what Steve says...we’re locking that door and getting busy tonight.  He can knock now that he’ll know he’s been invited.”  

“Getting  _ busy _ ?” Darcy laughed aloud.  “Did you really just say that?”  

“I apologize. Would you rather I talk candidly in front of the ‘kid’ about what I wish to do to you?  Do you think Bandit would be interested in the plethora of positions I want to twist you into? My little love pretzel?”  

“Love pretzel?” she quipped.  “And I’m pretty sure it’s safe to talk about it in front of the fur-kid.  It’s not like he can understand us.”  

“Oh, but he knows what a boobie-honk is?”  

Darcy shrugged and snuggled the cat.  “I happen to think boobie-honks are universal.”  She took a few steps to the door, swinging her hip over to check his on her way.  

Pietro leaned in, nuzzling her neck until she turned back towards him. He kissed her lips.  “Have I ever told you how breathtakingly gorgeous you look in my clothes?”  

“Only like a billion times, but I could go for a billion and one…maybe when I get back from asking  _ Steven _ to come make whoopie with us.”

“Make whoopie?  And you’re on my case for wanting to ‘get busy’.”  Pietro rolled his eyes.  

“Make all the busy whoopie with us in our love pretzel den of sex?” she quipped, biting her bottom lip to keep from giggling.        

“Go,” he commanded, giving her shoulder a playful push.  She could tell he was nervous.  Hell,  _ she  _ was nervous. The only one who  _ wasn’t _ nervous was Bandit.  But she couldn’t be more thankful for this voyeur of a cat at this moment.  Because it gave her an opportunity to ask Steve the question that had been hanging in the air for months now.  

And she really,  _ really _ hoped he’d be into it. Because for all her big talk, she was just as worried as Pietro.  What if they’d woefully misread the signs?  Steve could get really offended and move out.  And they’d lose the best roommate they’d had in years simply because neither of them could keep it in their pants.    

But every time she talked to Pietro about it, they both got so worked up, it was electric.  She could only imagine what it’d be like if Steve was actually here, and they were complete.  

She opened the door to their room and turned to walk through the living room to the other side of the apartment.  She had what she was going to say all worked out for when Steve answered his door, but then he was in the kitchen and nearly ran into her on his way out.  It totally threw off her plans.   

“OH!”  She jumped and practically dropped Bandit, who hopped up on the back of the couch to watch them.  If she didn’t know any better, she’d say the cat shipped it. 

“Sorry…” Steve smiled and took a lick of the Dreamsicle in his hand.  The sight of his tongue had her in a tizzy and she was suddenly wishing she’d just let Pietro come out here.  Steve even had his glasses on, goddammit.  He was the hottest dude in specs since...ever. He had some kind of hot professor vibe going on and she was definitely into it.  

Even if he  _ was _ just a graphic designer who worked from his room

He was giving those specs a workout now, looking her up and down.  She was pleased with her wardrobe choices.  Panties and one of Pietro’s t-shirts.    .      

“Uhh…”  She looked over at the cat.  “Um.  Bandit...he did it again…”

Steve made a face, looking sternly at Bandit before he came back to her.  “I’m sorry, Darce.”  He licked the ice cream again.  “Did you have the door locked?”  

“No…” Darcy said, feeling her cheeks redden. She couldn’t stop looking at his tongue.  On second thought, it was still better that she was out here.  That tongue would have Pietro running for cover in three seconds flat.  He might look tough, but she knew what he liked.  And one of the  _ things _ he liked was licking a very phallic-looking ice cream treat right now.   

“Oh, whew…” Steve sighed in relief.  “I was worried he’d learned a new trick.”  

She laughed softly.  “No, no, nothing new.  Just...same old, same old.”  She reached up to twirl a piece of her hair around her index finger.  An old tick from her childhood that chose the exact  _ wrong _ time to have a renaissance.  She was really standing here twirling her hair like a goofball.  So mature.  Much sexy.  

“Well, maybe if you lock your door, he’ll leave you alone…” Steve said with a chuckle, taking another lick of the ice cream.    

“Probably so...thanks!” She grinned too widely and turned on her heel, determined to retreat back to the safety of her room.  Pietro was right.  This was hard as hell.  

“Have a good night!” he called.  

No, it was now or never.  

She stopped in her tracks, turning back to face him again.  “The reason we don’t lock our door is because we’re hoping someone will come in.  Just...not the  _ cat _ ,” she said pointedly with an apologetic glance in Bandit’s direction.  Her face flushed hot and she swore she could  _ hear _ her heart beating.  The blood rushed in her head as she took in Steve’s face, trying to read his expression.  

His mouth opened a few times, only to close it again.  Like a slowly confused fish.  He adjusted his glasses, his ice cream dripped down his hand.

Bandit meowed impatiently.  The cat really must ship it.  

Or it was hungry.  That was a distinct possibility and more probable than an animal wanting the three people it shared an apartment with to bump all the uglies.  Cats really didn’t care about uglies getting bumped. At least...not about human uglies.

It was probably the reason it had come into their room, to be honest.  

And here she was, using it as a sign to come proposition their roommate for a threeway.  What the actual fuck was she thinking?        

“Are you saying...what I think you’re saying?”  Steve asked. “Just for clarification, so I’m not...misinterpreting this…”    

Darcy swallowed down the fear and nodded.  “Yes.  Just know that while we are probably going to start locking the door to keep Bandit out...you can totally knock anytime.  And I mean  _ anytime _ …”  

He gulped, nodding his head slowly.  “That’s...that’s good to know.”  

She pressed her lips together, suddenly so embarrassed that she wanted nothing more than to run from the room and go hide under the covers for the rest of her natural born life.  

God, Steve was so freaking polite.  

“Pietro? Pietro too?” he asked, his eyebrows raising.    

She nodded again. “Mmmhmmm...seems like we’re both just warm for your form…”  Darcy cringed inwardly.  If she could have chosen a less cool way to say this.   _ We’re hip to your jive, Daddy-o… _

“Okay then…” Steve looked down as Bandit meowed, winding himself around his legs.  “Oh...right.  I should probably...feed the cat?”   His ice cream was dripping down his hand and onto the floor.  

God, this was so uncomfortable.  

“Right, yeah.  I’ll leave you to it…”  Darcy backed slowly from the room, resisting the urge to break into a full run.  

She padded quickly to their bedroom door, opening it and closing it behind her.  She somehow made it to the bed before her knees collapsed.  

“Did you ask him?”  Pietro prodded gently, his hand smoothing over her back as she curled up beside him.  

“Mmhmm,” she nodded rapidly.  “I informed him of our...situation. Told him we were locking the door, but he could totally knock anytime…”  

“And?”  

“And he kind of...got really quiet and stared off into space. Told me it was ‘good to know’.”  

“Ouch…” Pietro winced and pulled her closer.  “I am sorry, I should have done it…”  

Darcy shook her head.  “It’s okay.  Better me than you, babe.  You’re not so good with rejection.”  

Pietro scoffed half-heartedly.  “I am so.  And besides.  He did not say no.”  

“He didn’t say yes either.”  

“But he didn’t run screaming from the room.”  

“I freaked him out.”  

“ _ Or _ he is just thinking about it.”  

“ _ Or _ he thinks we’re a couple of sex fiends who--”  she was interrupted by a knock on the door.  She rose up off the bed, looking over at Pietro.  

“A couple of sex fiends he wants to get fiendish with,” Pietro finished for her, a look of smug satisfaction on his face.  

“Oh my blob...which one of us should open the door?  If I open the door, it’ll look like I was just waiting for him...if you open the door, it’ll look like I’m mad at him or something…”  

“We could both?” Pietro offered.  

“NO, that looks desperate!”  

“Aren’t we, though?”  

Steve tapped on the door again.  “I don’t know about any of that, but I think  _ someone _ should open the door…”  The door creaked open as if on queue.  “Or Bandit could do it…” he said deliberately as he pushed it open a little more.  “May I come in?”  He was holding Bandit back with his foot.  

Pietro stood up and walked closer.  “Please, come in.”  He opened the door wide and stood back for Steve to enter.  

The both stood awkwardly there by the door until Darcy spoke up.  “So did you need to borrow a cup of sugar, or…?”  

Steve chuckled and Pietro reached over to shut the door.  He locked the doorknob with purpose.  “I...um...wanted to talk a little more about what you...brought up in the kitchen?”  he looked between the two of them.  

Darcy sat up, pulling her legs under her to get comfortable.  “Okay.  Talking is fun.” She patted the mattress beside her.  “We could probably do that better over here, if you’d like…”   

Steve laughed again, scuffing his foot on the floor, which made Darcy realize just how nervous  _ he _ was.  They were all just a bunch of nervous dorks and someone had to make the first move, or they’d be ‘talking’ all night.  

Pietro was always on the same page as she was.  And she adored him for it.  

He reached out to touch Steve tentatively, his hand stroking up and down his forearm.  “Talking  _ is _ fun, but  _ doing _ …?”  

Steve let out a breath before he turned towards Pietro, his head tilting as he moved closer, brushing his lips over Steve’s.  

Darcy’s stomach flipped in excitement as she watched them feel each other out.  Pietro was being really gentle, his lips moving only the slightest little bit over Steve’s.  His tongue moved along his bottom lip and she could swear she saw Steve shiver.  

As much fun as watching this was, she kind of wanted  _ in _ on it too.  

She stood up slowly, taking a few timid steps towards them.

Pietro reached out for her hand, dragging her into their embrace.  

Everything else in the room was lost in the feel of Steve’s lips on hers.  Of Pietro’s on her throat.  

Hands cupped and stroked at her through her top and she let out a muffled moan as they moved towards the bed.  

Steve climbed up first, and they followed him.  He was on his back and Pietro bent over him, kissing his way up his throat.  

Steve’s glasses were fogging up, so Darcy carefully took them off, folding them on their nightstand.  

“I’ve never...done this with more than one person before…” Steve’s breathless confession broke the silence.  

Darcy reached for his hand and snuggled herself into his side.  Pietro moved in behind her.  “You know the expression, it’s just like riding a bike?”  

Steve chuckled.  “What, is this like riding two bikes?”  

“No…” she giggled.  “It’s more like…”  

“Roller skating?”  Pietro filled in.  

“Yeah, that.  It’s like rollerskating.”  

“Is now not the time to tell you how bad I am at roller skating?” Steve asked, his hands moving up her torso, only to switch over to Pietro, and then back to her.  It was almost like he couldn’t decide where to put them.  “I fall on my ass everytime I try it…”

She lifted up, allowing Pietro to tug down on her panties, pulling them over her hips and down to her feet so she could kick them off.  Steve’s eyes were glued between her legs.  His insecurities kind of trailed off slowly.   

Pietro chuckled and reached for Steve’s hand, pressing it between her legs.  “Let’s just play it by ear...I’m pretty good at roller skating, so just grab my hand if you start to fall.”  

Steve’s eyes closed, his head resting on the pillow beside Darcy’s.  His fingers pressed firmly between her legs, sliding in the slickness there.  His breath huffed out in hot bursts against her cheek.  

Pietro was watching Steve’s fingers move, his tongue poking out between his lips as his own hand squeezed her thigh, massaging it gently to coax them further apart.  “Have you thought about this, doing this with us?” he asked, tugging at the drawstring of his lounge pants before pushing them down over his hips.  His erection was still there...straining against the confines of his boxer briefs.  He pressed his hand against it, palming himself.  

Steve nodded.  His eyes moving back and forth between where Pietro’s hand was and where his own was.

“What did you think about?” Darcy asked, her fingers smoothing up her torso to cup her breasts.  She flicked at her nipples through the t-shirt..  

Steve’s cheeks reddened and he nuzzled down into her hair.  “I thought about lots of stuff.  Thought about...both of you...together, separately...thought about taking you...both of us…taking you, Darcy…”  His fingers moved up to circle her clit.  “One in front and one in back…”  

Pietro was tugging at Steve’s jeans, unbuttoning and unzipping.  “We’ll do that...not tonight, but we’ll do that…”  he promised.  

Hell yeah, they were going to do that.  It was only the subject of many of Darcy’s fantasies.  Having both of them inside her at once.  

She reached down inside Steve’s pants, her hand stroking over his length right there in his cotton boxers.  She traced the outline of the head, focusing on the ridge and getting him all worked up.  “I want to do that, but it’s kind of a lot to take.  Especially given how you guys are...kind of  _ a lot _ to take.” She looked down deliberately at what she had in her hand.  “Substantially a lot to take.”  

Steve pushed down with his free hand, shoving his pants down.  His boxers came down with them,  freeing his erection which bobbed stiff and proud in their wake.  

Pietro’s hand encircled him.  Steve was panting into her shoulder with every sharp twist of Pietro’s wrist.  

Darcy laid back, reaching lazily over to palm at Pietro in his shorts.  Before she reached inside and began stroking him in time.   She let him set the pace, speeding up her hand when his sped up on Steve, slowing down when he did.  

It was mostly to tease, the lube on the bedside table was still sitting there and she intended to use it before the night was over.  Slick up her hands and stroke them both off, maybe suck on them alternately.  

She had a lot of scenarios playing in her head, but they all flew back out again at the thump from across the room.  A thump followed by a meow.  

They all froze, peering over to the corner by the door, where Bandit was trying to open the door. They’d apparently trapped him inside before trying to get busy on the bed. Get busy.  Make whoopie.  Do the do. Whatever they were calling it.  Pretzel Time.       

Pietro groaned.  “There are two people in my bed and this cat still will not let me get laid…”  

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [tumblr](http://dresupi.tumblr.com/), if that's a thing you do. <3


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